When I asked a few people to beta read early versions of Glory in the Flower, one response I heard frequently was "are you trying to convince people to join the church or leave it?"
It was a deliberate choice for me, to show some of the darker underside of the current patriarchal evangelical church system, including the notion that there are men who have so much social/religious/economic power that they literally answer to no one. Of course, they claim to answer to God, but as we can see both in this book and in real life, that's often not the case. I grew up noticing this, that people who weren't accountable to other people almost inevitably lost themselves within their own power and authority, and caused a considerable amount of harm in their wake.
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. All good men are bad.
I have tried to show strong, genuine faith in the book as well. I've tried to portray Christians with deep flaws but a sincere love for God. None of us are perfect. I've included the notion of spiritual blind spots, places where an otherwise-strong Christian just doesn't see something that seems so obvious to most people.
I'm not offering any sort of image of what I think an ideal church should be. That's different for different people. Some people thrive in a very traditional environment. Some people need a less formal environment. Some, like Peter, don't do well in a church at all, and need to be out in nature to really worship. I'm not going to insist upon one 'right' path for everyone, because I don't know that there is one.
Monday, November 5, 2018
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Weird Titles
I've been asked about why my stories have such strange titles.
Short answer: I'm pretentious.
Longer answer: I spent like, eighty thousand dollars getting two English degrees, and I need to use that knowledge at least a little if I am to justify the fact that I'm still paying off student debt.
Poetry aficionados will likely recognize the phrase "glory in the flower" as coming from one of Romantic poet William Wordsworth's more famous works, "Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood" (and I get told my titles are weird). There are those famous lines:
"Though nothing can bring back the hour
of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,
we will grieve not, rather find
strength in what remains behind."
If you've read the book, the hint should be obvious enough... I open and close it with fragments of the poem. Even though I'm pretentious and spent a lot of money on my degrees, poetry was never my strong suit. I just like some of the phrases. Wordsworth I always liked because he was so bloody complicated there didn't seem to be a way to completely encompass what he was saying. So I could make stuff up. And that made it easier to pass the classes.
The idea is that we cannot go back to our younger, more innocent days. We might long for them, but we have to move forward. So we do that, and hopefully take the lessons we learned from that innocence into our newer, more difficult lives. Kate in particular struggles with this in the novel, as she figuratively, and eventually literally, returns to her childhood home instead of facing the realities of her situation and her marriage.
Impulses of Deeper Birth runs a bit more complex. It's from a less-known work by Wordsworth, entitled "A Poet's Epitaph." In this poem, Wordsworth basically philosophizes about what a poet actually is, and how a poet is different from most others. One of the big ways a poet is set apart, Wordsworth claims, is by how they relate to nature. They see it differently, experience it differently, and can therefore express it in ways that most people cannot. That struck me with the character of Peter, who doesn't like being in cities and needs the fresh air and the mountains to be who he is meant to be. He has that quality about him, that ingrained way, the 'impulses of deeper birth' that indicate he was always mean to be a man of the outdoors. I will explore Peter's character in more depth as the series continues, including his deep connection to nature.
I intend all of the Sonatas of Grace books, both the full-length novels and the shorts, to be titled with Wordsworth phrases, linked into poems that express some of the themes I want to examine within each story.
Short answer: I'm pretentious.
Longer answer: I spent like, eighty thousand dollars getting two English degrees, and I need to use that knowledge at least a little if I am to justify the fact that I'm still paying off student debt.
Poetry aficionados will likely recognize the phrase "glory in the flower" as coming from one of Romantic poet William Wordsworth's more famous works, "Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood" (and I get told my titles are weird). There are those famous lines:
"Though nothing can bring back the hour
of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,
we will grieve not, rather find
strength in what remains behind."
If you've read the book, the hint should be obvious enough... I open and close it with fragments of the poem. Even though I'm pretentious and spent a lot of money on my degrees, poetry was never my strong suit. I just like some of the phrases. Wordsworth I always liked because he was so bloody complicated there didn't seem to be a way to completely encompass what he was saying. So I could make stuff up. And that made it easier to pass the classes.
The idea is that we cannot go back to our younger, more innocent days. We might long for them, but we have to move forward. So we do that, and hopefully take the lessons we learned from that innocence into our newer, more difficult lives. Kate in particular struggles with this in the novel, as she figuratively, and eventually literally, returns to her childhood home instead of facing the realities of her situation and her marriage.
Impulses of Deeper Birth runs a bit more complex. It's from a less-known work by Wordsworth, entitled "A Poet's Epitaph." In this poem, Wordsworth basically philosophizes about what a poet actually is, and how a poet is different from most others. One of the big ways a poet is set apart, Wordsworth claims, is by how they relate to nature. They see it differently, experience it differently, and can therefore express it in ways that most people cannot. That struck me with the character of Peter, who doesn't like being in cities and needs the fresh air and the mountains to be who he is meant to be. He has that quality about him, that ingrained way, the 'impulses of deeper birth' that indicate he was always mean to be a man of the outdoors. I will explore Peter's character in more depth as the series continues, including his deep connection to nature.
I intend all of the Sonatas of Grace books, both the full-length novels and the shorts, to be titled with Wordsworth phrases, linked into poems that express some of the themes I want to examine within each story.
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Borderline Personality Disorder
Spoiler alert!
In Glory in the Flower, the character of Mia is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's odd... I've been both criticized and praised for my portrayal of the illness, some suggesting I don't know what I'm talking about, others finding it compelling.
I do, in fact, know what I'm talking about because I have it. I was diagnosed a decade ago, in a period in my life where I was every bit as angry, confused, frustrated, and vulnerable as Mia is in Glory in the Flower. It's a difficult and frightening disorder to have, because your thought patterns just don't match that of most of the world. You are seeing blue while everyone else insists it's green. Relationships are very difficult, because you generally see things in black and white, and you form strong attachments. It's normal to get separation anxiety when you're apart from someone you are close to. Your emotions are intense, all the time. It's a constant roller coaster. And it's a deadly one. A full ten percent of Borderline patients take their own lives. That's twenty times the rate of the rest of the population. I was not exaggerating Mia's symptoms in the book. She did what countless other Borderline patients have done.
I've had a lot of years of experience riding that coaster. I've taken a lot of treatment. I use medication to help manage the symptoms, but I also take other therapeutic treatments, including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Borderline doesn't get cured. You learn how to manage the symptoms, and you can reduce them a fair bit with good therapy. But you're always going to be a little bit different from everyone else. If you're lucky, the people in your life are understanding and compassionate and make the necessary adjustments to help you handle, just like they would speak up for a person with hearing issues, offer the leading arm to a blind friend, and help push a wheelchair-bound person over a rocky path. But it's never going to be a perfect fit, and part of learning to live with Borderline is accepting that. As the series goes on, I'm going to continue to explore Mia's experiences with the disorder, including the ups and downs of treatment and the difficulties of relationships. I'm not going to sugar coat what this illness does. It can devastate.
But the cool thing? There are some beautiful elements to Borderline. I feel things very intensely. I'm also bloody good at writing emotions. Perhaps there's a connection? Seeing and experiencing the world in a different way makes me a better writer. Borderlines are also ferociously loyal friends and romantic partners. And we tend to be rather charismatic and funny. Can be great party guests. We can be spontaneous and a whole lot of fun.
I want to remove some of the mystery and stigma surrounding the disorder through my presentation of Mia. I don't want people to fear their Borderline friends and relatives. I want them to learn to embrace them, to offer a helping hand, to see the good and help mitigate the bad. Hopefully, the next generation won't have to live with the same stigma that exists today.
In Glory in the Flower, the character of Mia is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's odd... I've been both criticized and praised for my portrayal of the illness, some suggesting I don't know what I'm talking about, others finding it compelling.
I do, in fact, know what I'm talking about because I have it. I was diagnosed a decade ago, in a period in my life where I was every bit as angry, confused, frustrated, and vulnerable as Mia is in Glory in the Flower. It's a difficult and frightening disorder to have, because your thought patterns just don't match that of most of the world. You are seeing blue while everyone else insists it's green. Relationships are very difficult, because you generally see things in black and white, and you form strong attachments. It's normal to get separation anxiety when you're apart from someone you are close to. Your emotions are intense, all the time. It's a constant roller coaster. And it's a deadly one. A full ten percent of Borderline patients take their own lives. That's twenty times the rate of the rest of the population. I was not exaggerating Mia's symptoms in the book. She did what countless other Borderline patients have done.
I've had a lot of years of experience riding that coaster. I've taken a lot of treatment. I use medication to help manage the symptoms, but I also take other therapeutic treatments, including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Borderline doesn't get cured. You learn how to manage the symptoms, and you can reduce them a fair bit with good therapy. But you're always going to be a little bit different from everyone else. If you're lucky, the people in your life are understanding and compassionate and make the necessary adjustments to help you handle, just like they would speak up for a person with hearing issues, offer the leading arm to a blind friend, and help push a wheelchair-bound person over a rocky path. But it's never going to be a perfect fit, and part of learning to live with Borderline is accepting that. As the series goes on, I'm going to continue to explore Mia's experiences with the disorder, including the ups and downs of treatment and the difficulties of relationships. I'm not going to sugar coat what this illness does. It can devastate.
But the cool thing? There are some beautiful elements to Borderline. I feel things very intensely. I'm also bloody good at writing emotions. Perhaps there's a connection? Seeing and experiencing the world in a different way makes me a better writer. Borderlines are also ferociously loyal friends and romantic partners. And we tend to be rather charismatic and funny. Can be great party guests. We can be spontaneous and a whole lot of fun.
I want to remove some of the mystery and stigma surrounding the disorder through my presentation of Mia. I don't want people to fear their Borderline friends and relatives. I want them to learn to embrace them, to offer a helping hand, to see the good and help mitigate the bad. Hopefully, the next generation won't have to live with the same stigma that exists today.
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Impulses of Deeper Birth - Released!
I've uploaded the first of the Sonatas of Grace shorts, entitled Impulses of Deeper Birth.
“Not my best day, Lord, Peter prayed silently. However, I’d quite appreciate it if You would help me survive it. Although, if Ollie dies, I would respectfully request You take me, too. I’d rather get shot than have to deal with Fee.”
What was supposed to be a quiet day goes horribly awry for Peter Wentworth when he picks his younger cousin Ollie up at the airport. A hitchhiker that shouldn’t be trusted, a Raging Judge, a frantic belly-crawl through dog droppings… it all adds up to a rather crazy little adventure. In the midst of it all, Peter still seeks to share his faith in Christ, but will his zeal for the Gospel cost him or Ollie their lives? And would it be easier to just be martyred in a cult compound in the back country of Colorado or have to face down his formidable cousin Fee and confess he put her beloved little brother in danger?
A short story that takes place fourteen years before the events of the Sonatas of Grace series, Impulses of Deeper Birth is a rollicking little tale to showcase the beginning of a deep and profound friendship.
I had a blast writing this. In some ways, it was complicated because I had to think about what these characters would have been like fourteen years before I wrote them in Glory in the Flower. Nobody's the same at eighteen as they are at thirty-two. So I got to show a younger, less mature, less spiritual Ollie. As Peter's character is only hinted at in Glory in the Flower, I got to reveal a few more tidbits. Peter's story will come to full bloom in the third book of the series, tentatively titled After Many Wanderings. I also got to offer a bit of Fee before she became Sister Fee. She, like the others, is not quite the same. Some of the other characters presented in this little tale might show up again too... one interesting thing I find about life is how things tend to circle round again. We think we're done with someone, but that's quite often not true.
Smashwords Link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/903298
“Not my best day, Lord, Peter prayed silently. However, I’d quite appreciate it if You would help me survive it. Although, if Ollie dies, I would respectfully request You take me, too. I’d rather get shot than have to deal with Fee.”
What was supposed to be a quiet day goes horribly awry for Peter Wentworth when he picks his younger cousin Ollie up at the airport. A hitchhiker that shouldn’t be trusted, a Raging Judge, a frantic belly-crawl through dog droppings… it all adds up to a rather crazy little adventure. In the midst of it all, Peter still seeks to share his faith in Christ, but will his zeal for the Gospel cost him or Ollie their lives? And would it be easier to just be martyred in a cult compound in the back country of Colorado or have to face down his formidable cousin Fee and confess he put her beloved little brother in danger?
A short story that takes place fourteen years before the events of the Sonatas of Grace series, Impulses of Deeper Birth is a rollicking little tale to showcase the beginning of a deep and profound friendship.
I had a blast writing this. In some ways, it was complicated because I had to think about what these characters would have been like fourteen years before I wrote them in Glory in the Flower. Nobody's the same at eighteen as they are at thirty-two. So I got to show a younger, less mature, less spiritual Ollie. As Peter's character is only hinted at in Glory in the Flower, I got to reveal a few more tidbits. Peter's story will come to full bloom in the third book of the series, tentatively titled After Many Wanderings. I also got to offer a bit of Fee before she became Sister Fee. She, like the others, is not quite the same. Some of the other characters presented in this little tale might show up again too... one interesting thing I find about life is how things tend to circle round again. We think we're done with someone, but that's quite often not true.
Smashwords Link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/903298
Glory in the Flower
The granddaughters of a powerful evangelist, sisters Kate and Mia walk very different paths.
Kate’s living a golden life, happily married to the loving, dynamic Ollie. Her joy only increases when she discovers she’s expecting a baby. But her idyll is shattered with a shocking, impossible diagnosis, and her marriage is turned on edge. Facing the reality of being HIV-positive and pregnant, along with the gossip and suspicion rising up from her community, Kate’s normally-unshakeable faith soon wavers.
Mia lost her trust in a loving God long ago. Caught in a downward spiral, fueled by anger and futile longing, she makes a grasping attempt at redemption with the help of Gabriel, a gospel singer with dark secrets of his own. Faced with yet another betrayal, Mia sees no way out.
As the family draws together in the aftermath of Mia’s final, horrifying attempt to end her own pain, they must confront their own secrets, and see the weaknesses they’ve ignored for too long. In the end, everyone must decide what it means to trust God through suffering and lay their lives at the foot of the Cross.
Kate’s living a golden life, happily married to the loving, dynamic Ollie. Her joy only increases when she discovers she’s expecting a baby. But her idyll is shattered with a shocking, impossible diagnosis, and her marriage is turned on edge. Facing the reality of being HIV-positive and pregnant, along with the gossip and suspicion rising up from her community, Kate’s normally-unshakeable faith soon wavers.
Mia lost her trust in a loving God long ago. Caught in a downward spiral, fueled by anger and futile longing, she makes a grasping attempt at redemption with the help of Gabriel, a gospel singer with dark secrets of his own. Faced with yet another betrayal, Mia sees no way out.
As the family draws together in the aftermath of Mia’s final, horrifying attempt to end her own pain, they must confront their own secrets, and see the weaknesses they’ve ignored for too long. In the end, everyone must decide what it means to trust God through suffering and lay their lives at the foot of the Cross.
Sonatas of Grace - Shorts
I spent a long time conceiving of the characters I've introduced in Glory in the Flower. I didn't want them to just be names that did stuff... I wanted very much for them to be real, full-blooded, fleshed-out human beings. So I thought about the past, and how they might have lived before the start of the book's events.
In Glory in the Flower, one of the running themes is the odd and wonderful and slightly crazy adventures the characters Peter and Ollie have had over the course of their friendship, particularly in Colorado and during their time doing mission work overseas. Most of these adventures were born from my slightly (extremely) interesting and unhinged brain. A few might be based upon things that happened to people I know (with their full permission to borrow the stories). So I'm going to write a few short stories about these adventures. My plan at the moment is to make these short stories available for free or at very low cost. If the interest is there, I might compile them into a book eventually.
The shorts will differ from the books somewhat in that they are of a more classic adventure form than the novels, which are more complex and character-driven. The shorts may also give some clues as to what could be happening eventually in the novels.
In Glory in the Flower, one of the running themes is the odd and wonderful and slightly crazy adventures the characters Peter and Ollie have had over the course of their friendship, particularly in Colorado and during their time doing mission work overseas. Most of these adventures were born from my slightly (extremely) interesting and unhinged brain. A few might be based upon things that happened to people I know (with their full permission to borrow the stories). So I'm going to write a few short stories about these adventures. My plan at the moment is to make these short stories available for free or at very low cost. If the interest is there, I might compile them into a book eventually.
The shorts will differ from the books somewhat in that they are of a more classic adventure form than the novels, which are more complex and character-driven. The shorts may also give some clues as to what could be happening eventually in the novels.
Sonatas of Grace
The series I'm writing is called Sonatas of Grace. I chose the title for two main reasons. First, music features very heavily in the novels, as two of the main characters are master musicians. The second reason I chose "Sonatas" is because my favourite sonata (Ravel - for Violin and Cello) has four parts in it, and I've planned four novels for this series.
The series will work best if read in order. I'm keeping largely the same cast of characters through most of it (with each book slightly emphasizing several different characters, and each book having its own romantic subplot). There will be plot arcs that carry through the whole thing. But each book will have some particular arcs of their own, enough so that you've felt like you've read a novel, not just part of a soap opera serial. We will meet new characters as the series goes on, but the old ones won't fade out completely. It is my hope that you will be as compelled to read about these characters as I was to write about them, and that you will want to keep turning the pages (or scrolling) to find out what happens to them.
The series will work best if read in order. I'm keeping largely the same cast of characters through most of it (with each book slightly emphasizing several different characters, and each book having its own romantic subplot). There will be plot arcs that carry through the whole thing. But each book will have some particular arcs of their own, enough so that you've felt like you've read a novel, not just part of a soap opera serial. We will meet new characters as the series goes on, but the old ones won't fade out completely. It is my hope that you will be as compelled to read about these characters as I was to write about them, and that you will want to keep turning the pages (or scrolling) to find out what happens to them.
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